Hi My Friends,

I have a favor to ask: Please stop using the term “church hurt.”

Why? It’s hurting you the most.

Before you turn away, please read this part first to understand where I’m coming from and why I’m asking.

• I’m not judging you.
• I used this term myself for quite a while.
• Refusing to use and disagreeing with this term is not about diminishing someone’s painful experiences surrounding a church building or with church attendees/leaders.
• As always, its your choice but I’ll hope you’ll read through to the end.

Experiencing hurt from those you know and trust is beyond painful. I’m not sure there are adequate words to describe the level of pain and the level of painful impact this type of injury causes a person. When the injury caused isn’t physical or something you can legally point to as wrong, it can feel so much worse. At least with something tangible, sometimes you can hold up proof and say “see.” Without tangible evidence, its makes it easier for others to turn away or “gaslight” you.

I used “sometimes” above because even with tangible evidence, people will still find a way to deny or gaslight.

Adding insult and injury on top of the original injury is when the situation never gets resolved justly…and the offender, the perpetrator, goes on and scales the heights of societal success.

So I’m not decrying the term “church hurt” because I’m trying to sweep things under the rug or participate in denial. I’m saying NO to this term because I believe it hurts the hurt one the most.

Will you read on to find out why I feel so strongly about using “church hurt?”

I was in the beginning stages of a healing journey when I stumbled across this term being widely and freely used (let’s call it a forum about church hurt). The first post I read resonated with me so strongly and I thought, “wow, I feel this so deeply.” I even added this term to my vocabulary as it seemed to describe my pain and experiences so well. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who liked the term. Within days, it seemed to be everywhere and everyone was sharing their story of “church hurt” and even “christian hurt.”

At first, it was music to my ears and comfort to my still hurting heart. Then I began to feel disquieted. The more I read and leaned in, the louder the disquiet got. So I stopped reading but I kept the term, pulling it out occasionally to use.

Eventually, the day came when I used the term and felt a strong check. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with the term but the check was so strong that I just kept shying away. Finally, I just stopped using it completely.

It was there in the stillness and quiet that the answers came. Whenever I have been hurt by someone who doesn’t attend church or isn’t Christian, I’ve never said “sinner hurt” or “world hurt.” It’s simply been “this person” or “so-n-so did this to me.” When I had traumatic experiences, I always labeled the actual event and the actual person(s) involved.

Yet there I was, willingly attaching “Christian” and “church” to certain hurts and pains.

The odd thing is I’ve noticed this tendency as well among non-Christians and non-churchgoers. They’ll happily label and bash Christians and churchgoers. When its anyone else, they name and label the individual(s). They are even more likely to eventually excuse their behavior as well.

The other answer that came was about the term “church.” Yes, we often use the standard definition(s) of a church which include either a physical building or a congregation that gathers in a building.

According to the Bible however, the church is the body of Christ (Colossians 1:24 and I Corinthians 12:27).

This struck me hard.

You see, the body of Christ has never caused me hurt. In fact, the very opposite is true: He was hurt and sacrificed for me and my sins.

As Isaiah 53 stresses, in particular verse 5 (KJV):

"But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.”

Christ’s body has never hurt or harmed me. His body has only healed and saved me. Since the church is the body of Christ, I cannot accused it of hurting me.

Realizing this helped me to understand that using this term will very quickly lead me to begin separating myself from the love of God and forsaking the assembling of myself together with others. Doing this will put me in the perfect spot for the enemy to declare open hunting season on my heart and soul.

Ah, “but Naomi, what about the Christians who have hurt me, the church congregations where hurt runs rampant and the pastors and leaders who have wreaked widespread havoc? You can’t just dismiss it like it doesn’t happen.”

No, I cannot dismiss it, nor will I.

They are individuals or individual groups and should be labeled as such. In fact, the Bible does offer labels with which to label these individuals and you will need to read your word, pray and perhaps seek the counsel of wise, godly counselors. This will help you to find the best category for these situations and the wisest path to move forward in a manner which heals you and frees you.

Choosing this pathway forward is what helped me to simultaneously heal and draw closer to God while also allowing my heart to remain open to love, relationships and gathering together.

As always, remember it is good and perfectly okay to sit with this letter and talk to God before making any decisions.

With all my love,

Naomi

Meek Like Moses Founder

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